i just printed out the first chunk of information from the small business administration, and put together a binder for notes and future information. now time to read, read, read read readreadread.




my head has been pounding for 25 hours straight.

I've been having chronic headaches for a while now, I don't know how long as this point a year maybe?

Last night it was so bad, I spent the evening throwing up and I woke up in the middle of the night and my vision was so messed up, like I was looking through one of those toy magnifying glasses while crosseyed. It was terrifying and I wish I had health insurance.

I feel a little abandoned.

I feel very secured in the feeling that I still don't belong anywhere.
 

Dayton, IN is way scarier than Dayton, OH.

My arms hurt really really bad.

Okay, so it might be good to get this all out in writing to be honest it won't do any good at all. At least not as good as actually talking through the problems.

But talking through the problems usually winds up with me sobbing in the bath tub ripping at my hair and no one understand anything.

I just bottle it up and bottle it up. Talking about it hasn't solved any issues in two years so we'll just bottle it up some more.


You'd think at a certain point things would become trivial and you just walk it off, but at these certain points I've noticed that they happen every week because everything I ever have to say goes in one ear long enough to weigh your head down to your shoulders, then it goes out the other ear and nothing has been solved so the problem just gets shoved right back into that same fucking bottle and it comes back to LJ and me searching through archives in a hundred different communities hoping to goodness what that someone else will fucking feel the way I do and say I fixed all of this simply by doing that.


But simply doing that will never work which makes me wonder which will ever work. POST DON"T EDIT